


body talk

by sorrowfulheaven



Category: Avatar: The Last Airbender
Genre: Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Angst with a Happy Ending, Breaking Up & Making Up, Getting Back Together, M/M, Post-Break Up
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-31
Updated: 2020-07-31
Packaged: 2021-03-06 03:08:40
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,335
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25636321
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sorrowfulheaven/pseuds/sorrowfulheaven
Summary: Zuko noticed it. Noticed the way Sokka was distancing himself. He was nodding to what Zuko was saying, but his eyes betrayed that he wasn’t actually listening to what Zuko was saying, Sokka’s gaze lingering somewhere on the wall rather than in Zuko’s eyes, the love that was once in them replaced with something Zuko couldn’t quite decipher. It wasn’t hatred, it just seemed to be… indifference. He wasn’t exactly sure which was worse.
Relationships: Sokka/Zuko (Avatar)
Comments: 8
Kudos: 194





	body talk

**Author's Note:**

> this fic happened because I was listening to [body talk](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Oo_NIdBUzMU) by red velvet. i highly recommend listening to it while reading and checking out the lyrics' translation if you don't speak korean! the song doesn't resolve happily but i was threatened into making it hurt/comfort (hi liv if you're reading this) so here we are. i haven't really gone back and edited this properly and it's unbeta'd but i'll do that asap. in the meantime, please excuse any mistakes. hope you enjoy!

Zuko noticed it. Noticed the way Sokka was distancing himself. They were discussing changes to the school curriculum, Zuko at his desk, and Sokka on the chair in front of the desk. This was usual for them, for Zuko to be working on something while they talked about important matters. But, this time, there was something about Sokka that wasn’t quite usual. He was nodding to what Zuko was saying, but his eyes betrayed that he wasn’t actually listening to what Zuko was saying, Sokka’s gaze lingering somewhere on the wall rather than in Zuko’s eyes, the love that was once in them replaced with something Zuko couldn’t quite decipher. It wasn’t hatred, it just seemed to be… indifference. He wasn’t exactly sure which was worse.

He sighed and sat up from the desk, quite abruptly, startling Sokka.

“Sokka, have you even been listening to what I’ve been saying?” Zuko said, his tone laced with anger. He didn’t mean for it to come out that way, and his chest hurt when he saw Sokka wince. 

“Of course I have!” Sokka retorted, just as angrily as Zuko. Zuko tried to hold back his tears. He wasn’t used to hearing Sokka being angry at him and he knew that Sokka wouldn’t want to scream at him, but he did anyway. 

“Then what was the last thing I said?” Zuko said, even louder, leaning over the desk slightly. 

Sokka was silent. He pushed his chair back and stood up as well, not daring to look Zuko in the eyes. Zuko let a single tear roll down his cheek, but quickly wiped it away. Sokka bit his lip and Zuko wanted nothing than to kiss those lips, kiss him, kiss his whole body, each kiss a silent apology. But he didn’t do any of that.

“I thought so,” he said instead.

Sokka nodded again and closed in on himself. It hurt Zuko so much to know that he had caused this, that it was his fault that Sokka was like this, but he didn’t do anything about it. He just sat back down with his head in his hands. This was the last thing he needed on top of the stress of leading an entire nation. Sokka had been so, so helpful to him with everything. He was a natural leader, unlike Zuko, and his people skills had improved drastically since being by Zuko’s side. They were together all the time, attached to the hip, and it came as no surprise to Zuko that he had developed feelings for the boy in the months after his coronation. Instead of panicking about it, though, like he had expected, it had come very easily to the two of them to develop their friendship into something more. The past two years with Sokka had been everything Zuko could ever want, and more. Until, suddenly, Sokka started avoiding his touches, his advances, and even choosing to sleep in his own bed. Zuko’s bed had always felt too big, empty, but with Sokka there, he could finally rest well. To say that Zuko hadn’t slept well over the past few nights would be an understatement.

Zuko sighed and looked back up at Sokka, who hadn’t moved an inch. They looked into each other’s eyes and Zuko understood everything Sokka wouldn’t say. He wished he hadn’t, because everything he did betrayed one thought and one thought only:  _ I don’t love you anymore. _

Zuko waved a hand at him dismissively and stifled the sobs building up in his throat. He really couldn’t deal with a break-up while trying to negotiate such crucial matters. Sokka nodded and as soon as the door closed behind him, Zuko cried. His tears stained the paper beneath him, but, as important as it was, he couldn’t bring himself to care anymore. He just wanted Sokka back by his side, even if it wasn’t as his boyfriend. He suddenly felt lonely. He had no one else in the entire palace he could consider his friend. He couldn’t handle everything alone. He was barely even an adult, and he had to undo a hundred years’ worth of damage. He couldn’t do it on his own.

He decided he couldn’t work in these conditions. Instead, he climbed into his bed, feeling cold, and just let his emotions take over. He hoped he’d feel better after crying for a while, and that he’d be able to return to his work without feeling distracted anymore.

He didn’t.

* * *

The next day, Sokka was back in Zuko’s room, in the same configuration as the previous day. His fingers drummed against the desk, as he always did when he was nervous. Zuko knew it was coming. Sokka was officially going to end it between them. Zuko kept talking, but his heart wasn’t in it. He just wanted not to give Sokka the opportunity to say those words, to prolong this for however long he could. He kept talking and talking, Sokka yet again nodding absentmindedly. 

“...So I think children should be able to learn ab--”

“Zuko, I-- I need to talk to you.”

Zuko sighed. He couldn’t bear to look at Sokka. He ignored him.

“--about the atrocities of the war, but in a way that’s not too gruesome--”

“Zuko--”

“--but in a way that still sends the message that war is something to be avoided, but King Kuei said--”

“Zuko!” Sokka screamed this time, and Zuko winced. He stopped talking, still not looking at him. He felt Sokka’s finger on his chin and shuddered, hesitating between leaning into the touch for one last time and pulling back. Sokka raised his chin, forcing eye contact between the two of them before drawing his hand away again. Instead of anger in Sokka’s eyes, like he had expected when he heard him scream his name, he only saw sadness. Zuko would’ve preferred anger.

“Zuko, I… I think we should end things between us. We’re not making each other happy anymore.”

Zuko wanted to scream that it wasn’t true, that Sokka was the only one who could make him happy, but he couldn’t. He knew that he didn’t make Sokka happy anymore, and if he was honest with himself, Sokka didn’t make him as happy as he used to. He mostly made him sad, sad that he couldn’t give him what he wanted, what he deserved. Sokka deserved so much more than what Zuko could give him, so Zuko just nodded.

“Thank you for the past two years, Sokka.”

“Thank you too, Zuko. And I’m sorry.”

“I’m sorry too.”

An uncomfortable silence settled between the two of them, and Zuko pretended not to see the tears threatening to escape from Sokka’s eyes. He turned his head away as Sokka left the room yet again. 

For the second time in two days, Zuko left his work unfinished to cry in his bed. Despite how sad it made him that Sokka didn’t want him anymore, he was relieved. Relieved that he didn’t have to be the one to end things between the two of them, relieved that Sokka would finally be able to find someone who could give him everything he wanted, everything he deserved, everything Zuko would never be able to give him. He would be free to go back to the Southern Water Tribe, be the chief like he was destined to be, find a girl to marry and have beautiful children with. He tried not to think of all the nights Sokka had assured him that he was more than enough for him, that he was everything he’d ever want.  _ What a bunch of lies. _

For the first time in perhaps weeks, Zuko managed to sleep through the night. Maybe he would be able to move on.

* * *

Contrary to what Zuko had believed (and hoped), Sokka didn’t return to the Southern Water Tribe after their break-up, and he hadn’t quit his position as the Tribe’s ambassador. He was still present in meetings, charismatic as ever. Zuko couldn’t help but notice the sadness that lingered in his eyes, the same as the day they broke up, but he figured he must have been imagining it, clinging onto what little hope he had of them being back together again. Zuko knew it was so, so selfish to want Sokka back, but he couldn’t help it.

After his last meeting for the day, a month after the break-up, he headed to the turtleduck pond to clear his mind. He sat down at the edge of the pond, a roll of bread in his hand, feeding the birds small pieces of it.

“What should I do? Should I send him away? Fire him?” he whispered to the turtleducks, who, obviously, said nothing in return. 

“It just hurts so much to be around him. I didn’t think it would be this bad. I should just be happy for him…”

“Happy for whom?” 

Zuko was surprised to hear a response. He didn’t think turtleducks could talk. Then, he realised it hadn’t been a turtleduck, but an eerily familiar voice.  _ Sokka. _

Zuko didn’t say anything. Sokka sat down next to him, still at a considerable distance, but much closer than he had been in the past month. Zuko subconsciously inched slightly closer to him, but still giving him space. He had missed him so much.

Sokka sighed and looked over the pond, hugging his knees to his chest. 

“Can we… can we talk for a bit?”

Zuko nodded.  _ This is it,  _ he thought.  _ He’s leaving. For good. _

“Okay, um. I’ll talk for a bit. Just, um, please don’t interrupt me.”

Zuko nodded again, properly looking at him for the first time in what felt like ages. He didn’t look great. His hair was messily pulled into his wolftail, and the sides that were usually shaved had grown longer than Zuko had seen since… well, since the war. Dark circles lined his eyes, still filled with sadness, but there was something else in there. Could it be… hope? Zuko also noticed that his cheeks were slightly more hollow than he remembered them being, and wondered if Sokka had been eating properly. Sokka was always the one reminding Zuko to eat, so to imagine that Sokka hadn’t been eating hurt a lot.

Zuko was snapped out of his thoughts when Sokka started talking.

“Okay, so, um. I never told you why I really broke up with you. I just… I thought it would’ve been the best thing to do, but I’m really not so sure anymore. I… I broke up with you because we weren’t making each other happy anymore, and that much was true. We were both so… engrossed in our work, so busy, that we never made time for each other anymore, and I could tell you saw it too. But I didn’t consider that maybe… maybe we could still make it work.”

Zuko eyed Sokka carefully, tears again threatening to spill from his eyes. 

“Do you really think we could?” he said, barely a whisper.

Sokka nodded.

“Zuko, I… I still love you. I love you so much.”

Zuko started crying then. Sokka reached over to hug him, but as much as Zuko wanted just that, he willed his body away from him. He didn’t know if he could handle that.

“But Sokka… You… You deserve so much better than me. You deserve someone who can give you so much more than I can.”

Sokka shook his head and let his tears fall too, his head in his knees. Zuko’s chest tightened knowing he was the one who had made Sokka cry. Sokka should never cry.

“Zuko, if anyone deserves better, it’s you. You’re the Fire Lord, for fuck’s sake. You deserve to be open about your relationship, not hiding away because of what people might think of you being with someone from the Water Tribes, and a man at that.”

Zuko looked at him, suddenly angry. He didn’t know who or what he was angry at, but it wasn’t Sokka. It could never be Sokka.

“Is that what this is about? You broke up with me because I don’t want us to be open about our relationship?”

Sokka nodded, and Zuko barely caught it. 

“But, but! If-- if you want me back, I’m-- We can stay hidden. I just… want you.”

Zuko’s chest hurt so much. He couldn’t stop the tears from falling.

“That’s what I mean, Sokka! You deserve someone you can be open with! You deserve someone you can be open with, someone you could show off to people, someone you could have a family with. I can’t give you any of that. I’m so sorry, Sokka.”

Sokka nodded and stood up. He wiped his tears with the back of his hand and turned away from Zuko hesitantly. Zuko didn’t want him to leave. He stretched out his hand to reach for Sokka’s, but pulled it back quickly. 

“I still love you too, so much.” Zuko whispered, and Sokka ran away again. Zuko threw a stone into the lake, barely missing a turtleduck. 

* * *

That night, Zuko was restless again. He kept tossing and turning in bed, hoping he would eventually fall asleep, but he kept thinking about his conversation with Sokka earlier. Sokka had said that he still loved Zuko. Zuko still loved Sokka. So it should have been easy, right? But it wasn’t. Zuko couldn’t give Sokka what he wanted, what he needed, what he deserved, so they couldn’t be together. But… maybe Zuko could make a compromise and be open about their relationship. Was it really worth it jeopardizing everything they’d had over the past two years because he didn’t want people to know that he was gay and seeing someone from the Water Tribe? He’d legalised same sex marriage, after all, so that shouldn’t be an issue. And maybe if people saw him, the Fire Lord, with someone who was both of the same sex and from a different nation, maybe they’d start seeing things differently. Maybe they’d develop such relationships themselves.

Zuko figured it was worth a try. He got up from his bed and exited his room, his guards escorting him to Sokka’s room. He thought it was a bit much, having them escort him literally down the hall, but after two assassination attempts had been made, Sokka insisted he have someone guard his room at all times, and Zuko accepted in the end. 

Zuko hesitantly knocked on Sokka’s door four times, like he always did, the last knock slightly spaced out from the rest. It had been their way of knowing when the other was knocking, before they were even together. 

“Can I come in?” Zuko asked, his voice slightly hoarse from crying so much.

There was no response from Sokka. Zuko didn’t know what time it was, but he figured it must have been pretty late. Zuko sighed. He could try again in the morning.

Just as he turned to leave, the door opened to show a disheveled Sokka, his hair down from his wolftail and messy, eyes red and puffy and streams of tears still visible on his face. He stood aside and waited for Zuko to enter. Zuko nodded towards his guard and entered Sokka’s room, closing the door behind him.

It was awkward. Zuko lit a few candles in the corner of the room so they could see each other better. Sokka was waiting for him to speak, but he just couldn’t bring himself to say what he wanted to say. In the back of his mind, he still wondered if this was a bad idea. He wondered if he should just turn back and send Sokka away. But he was too selfish to do that, and he knew it, especially knowing that Sokka still loved him.

“So…?” Sokka asked, tentatively. 

Zuko breathed in deeply a few times to calm his nerves. It didn’t really work.

“I just wanted to say that I’m sorry. And that… If you want… I want to be with you. And I want everyone to know.”

Sokka’s eyes widened and he grabbed Zuko’s hand. Zuko squeezed it, having missed the contact.

“Are you sure? I wouldn’t want you to do anything you’re uncomfortable with.”

“I’m sure. I love you, and I want everyone to know it.”

Zuko smiled, perhaps for the first time in a month. Sokka smiled too, and wrapped his hands around Zuko’s waist, holding onto him tightly. Zuko hugged him back, just as tightly. He couldn’t imagine a life without Sokka’s hugs.

“I love you too, Zuko. Let’s also take a few days off from time to time, yeah? I don’t want us to get distant again.”

Zuko nodded and sniffled in Sokka’s shoulder. Sokka lifted his head and leaned his forehead against Zuko’s. They looked into each other’s eyes, brimming with tears, but this time, they were tears of joy. They smiled widely and Sokka started laughing. Sokka was the one to kiss Zuko, finally. Zuko closed his eyes and leaned into Sokka, letting the tears flow. Sokka’s lips were just as soft as he remembered, the stubble on his chin and cheeks scratching Zuko’s freshly shaven face, but it was so quintessentially Sokka and Zuko didn’t mind. 

When they pulled apart, they were still smiling like idiots. This time, when Zuko looked into Sokka’s eyes, he didn’t see sadness, he didn’t see indifference, he didn’t see anger. He only saw love.

“We should probably sleep. It’s late. We still have some things to talk about, but… we’ll be okay.” Sokka said.

Zuko nodded. They’d be okay. Sokka dragged him into his bed, and Zuko complied. It had been too long since they’d slept in the same bed, since Zuko had slept properly, save for the night of the break-up. Sokka enveloped him in his strong arms and Zuko felt safe and loved. He didn’t want to give this up again.

* * *

In the morning, Zuko woke up later than usual. Sokka was still sleeping soundly behind him, snoring softly. Zuko turned around so that he was facing him and kissed him on the nose. Sokka stirred in his sleep, scrunching his nose and slowly opening his eyes.

“‘Ning…” Sokka mumbled, and stretched in Zuko’s embrace. Zuko smiled.

“Good morning to you too.”

“Fooooooood…” Sokka grumbled and Zuko laughed.

“Alright, let’s get something to eat.”

The two went to the kitchens hand in hand after Sokka had assured the guards he could keep an eye on Zuko on his own. They got some weird looks, but Zuko didn’t care. All he cared about was that they were back together. 

They ate in silence, Sokka stealing from Zuko’s plate from time to time (typical) and it felt just like before, it felt like nothing had changed, even though quite a lot of things had.

They went outside to the turtleduck pond and that’s when Zuko broke the silence.

“You said last night that we still need to talk about some things?”

Sokka nodded. 

“Look, I… Breaking up with you was the wrong way to handle everything and I’m really sorry--”

“Sokka, I’ve already forgiven you--”

“Let me finish. Can you promise me you won’t let me break up with you again? I really think we’re meant to be together.”

Zuko inched closer to him and wrapped his arm around Sokka’s shoulders. Sokka leaned into the embrace and wrapped his arm around Zuko’s waist.

“Okay. I know I’m really bad at communicating how I feel, but I’ll try to tell you from now on.”

Sokka smiled and kissed Zuko’s neck softly. Zuko giggled.

“That tickles.”

Sokka laughed as well.

“I’ll try to tell you how I feel from now on, too. I love you so much, Zuko. So, so much.”

“I love you too, Sokka. So much.”

Zuko knew they would be okay from then on, despite whatever hurdles might show up in their path. For the first time since they’d started dating, he finally felt like they deserved each other, and he knew Sokka felt it too.

**Author's Note:**

> thank you so much for reading! if you liked it, please feel free to follow me on [twitter](https://twitter.com/lesbiansuki) and/or [tumblr](https://kyoshi-toph.tumblr.com/) and come say hi! constructive criticism is always appreciated!


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